Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
