I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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