just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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