no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
