If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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