I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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