i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
