I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
