I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
