I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
