whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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