My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
