D3 body, D1 cock
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
