Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
