I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
