There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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