I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
