my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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