honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
