the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
