Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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