i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
