Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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