i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
