you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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