btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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