My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
