It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
