dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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