I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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