I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
