just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
