i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
