roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just invented taco cereal.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
