Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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