they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
