Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
