Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
