youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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