Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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