I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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