I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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