could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
