I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
