did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
