Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
