all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
pray to the hookup gods
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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