Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
