I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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