i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
