People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
