I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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